“I’ve just got nothing left to give” – A Mom’s Compassion Fatigue
“I’ve just got nothing left to give…”
“I am so tired…”
“I feel completely spent…”
As moms I think we feel like this a lot. But I feel like lately it’s just been so much worse!
Do you agree?
Like, you’re just so tired – physically, emotionally, mentally. Your fuse is CRAZY short – especially by the end of the day. Your kids, and other things, just seem to annoy you so much more than they usually do. You can be reduced to tears or flip your switch at the most silly thing, at the drop of a hat!
I’m seeing so much of this coming through on the FB mom groups I’m part of, in friends and colleagues and of course, myself too! Moms are feeling burnt out.
When does this ride end!? When can I get off?!
You can’t.
Everyone still needs you!
You still have to keep it together and perform at work. Whether you’re working from home or heading in to the office, it’s business as usual and you’re expected to give what you were giving before.
Your home still needs looking after. That stack of dishes, that pile of laundry. (The two things you never seem to get on top of!) And by the way, what’s for dinner tonight!?
Those little people you love so much are crying “Mama, Mama.” (Actually even probably right now, as you read this!) And sometimes their cries for your attention and care come in the form of fights and resistance, meltdowns and clingy-ness – which are more exhausting than ever. Your husband needs you to ask him how his day was and actually listen with interest.
Not to mention the thousand other things you do that you feel only you see and notice!
This is hard!
And this COVID pandemic has added a whole other layer to the stressors we as moms (well, as people in general actually) are carrying every day.
How you feel has a name!
One night I expressed all this, and so much more, to Tim. And then shortly after that, at work we were advised to watch a webinar – you know Professional Development, because we all want to add another thing to our list of things to do in a day.
Well, I did, and it was AWESOME! SO grateful I did! Because it gave me a name for how I was feeling.
And, it showed me that this is super common right now – I’m not alone!
The latest buzzword: Compassion Fatigue
If you’re in a “caring profession” – nursing, teaching, counselling, emergency health care, palliative care – you may have heard this term before.
Without some sort of intervention, compassion fatigue can quickly spiral into burnout and depression.
Just like the feelings described above, compassion fatigue is characterised by the feeling of being utterly exhausted from life and all of its demands and having no more compassion or empathy left to pour out on anyone else. You’re in survival mode.
You may not be a nurse or teacher or paramedic, but you’re a mom. You’re in a “caring profession”. And what you’re feeling right now, may well be compassion fatigue.
What can I do to cope with compassion fatigue?
For those of us feeling this way, we need to act now.
Maybe it’ll take changing a few key things in everyday life. Maybe it’ll be seeking some professional help.
Just do it, Momma! You’re worth far too much to just “let it go and keep pushing through”.
So here are some everyday things we can work on that’ll make a big difference in how we cope with all of life’s demands:
- Ask for help. And accept help when it’s offered. – Probably the hardest thing for us to do!
- Set boundaries for yourself – How you spend your time, what commitments you make, when to say yes and when to say no.
- Establish and maintain a healthy environment – At work, at home, is the space you work and live in one that is healthy for you – physically, emotionally, mentally?
- Build healthy relationships – Where relationships are suffering, take some time to repair and rebuild, some may even need to be pruned out of your life.
- Take breaks – Whether it’s a weekend off with your spouse and the grandparents look after the kiddos, or whether it’s just drinking that cup of coffee and reading the magazine rather than checking your emails. Take a break!
- Get organised – It all starts with a good plan. And a good plan goes a long way to helping you feel in control and decrease that feeling of being completely overwhelmed!
- Just be you! – You know yourself – where your strengths and weaknesses lie, what makes you happy and what makes you feel stressed out. Don’t let the pressures from social media get to you, just be you.
- Speak to someone you can trust to love you, be honest with you and hold you accountable!
- Book an appointment with a life coach, counselor or psychologist and get some professional help.
So what do you need to do?
Can I just say: You’re not alone.
When you feel like no one sees what you do and what you’re feeling and all that you’re putting up with and how hard you’re trying to keep it together.
Just remember you’re not alone!
It’s one of the biggest lies our hearts hear – that no one else understands what you’re going through, that you have to struggle through this all by yourself. Reach out to someone you trust, invite them in to those parts of your heart and mind that are aching so bad right now. Start to make a change with just one area – maybe you just need a break or you just need to write a to-do list. Step by step you can walk out of this valley and start to experience victory!
I would love to connect with you and hear all about your how you’re coping with life and all that’s going on around us! And I’d love to include you in this community of Mommies as we support each other and grow together to become the best moms we can be!
Please subscribe to my emailing list here and I’ll make sure I keep you in the loop on all the latest blog posts, freebies and resources!
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