Grow your Toddler’s Independence by doing these 3 EASY things.
“Grow your toddler’s independence? Are you kidding!? My toddler is the most independent person I know!”
Yeah, I know that’s what you’re thinking.
Because when your 2.5 year old pulls herself away from you and says “No, leave me! Me do it myself – me big girl.” and your 4 year old, in a fit of rage, shouts “I AM IN CHARGE!”, you can feel their sense of independence.
But you know as well as I do, Mama, that they have limits. And even though they COMPLETELY believe they are able to do it all, on their own. They still need you!
So having a sense of and need for independence is TOTALLY there. But growing that independence – channeling it in the right direction, teaching them to use their autonomy to do great things, developing the skills for independence in childhood and eventually adulthood – that’s what I’m talking about!
What age do toddlers start being independent?
Can you remember that moment when you suddenly realized you no longer had a baby but a toddler? Maybe it was the first temper tantrum. Or the first defiant “No.” Maybe it was the first time they did something on their own, spontaneously.
This phase of independence we use terms like “Terrible twos”, “Three-nagers” and
“Four-nados”, is a completely normal part of our child’s development.
And independence is a good thing!
Even if it gets our hackles up and pushes our buttons in ways we never realized were possible!
2 – 3 year old toddlers
According to Erik Erikson’s theory about psychosocial development, 2-3 year olds enter a stage called “Autonomy vs Doubt / Shame”. In this stage, toddlers are exercising their will and answering the question “Can I be independent?” They are wrestling with the ability to prove their abilities and exercise their freedom, and their ability to restrain themselves and exercise self-control. During this stage, our goal as parents is to allow our children opportunities to exercise their autonomy.
3 – 6 year old preschoolers
3-6 year olds are in the stage called “Initiative vs Guilt”. Preschoolers in this stage are wrestling with the question “Am I good or bad?” They want to know if they can be powerful and initiate their own activities and experience a sense of purpose in play. Our goal at this stage is to allow our kids to develop the ability to take initiative and be confident in their abilities and skills.
Grow your toddler’s independence so they can be an independent child
Every stage of a child’s growth and development requires a new level of independence from them. If we build good foundations, subsequent building is easier and has a better results.
Growing your toddler’s independence is laying a foundation of skills that they will need for being an independent child later on. A child who is able to progress from needing a lot of parental input in their homework and studying to having all the skills to be able to do their homework and studying effectively, even without Mom looking over their shoulder! Here’s a game-changing freebie to guide you through this step by step.
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3 ways to grow your toddler’s independence every day
Here are three ways you can grow your toddler’s independence in an array of different ways, every day. Remember the goal is to GUIDE their independence – to hold onto the reins (just not too tightly), and steer their passion and energy in the right direction. You’ll have to tighten the reins every now and again, like when pushing the boundaries threatens their safety. And loosen them slightly when your child reaches a new level of independence.
You are their guide, their coach. You’re still in charge – even if they believe they are!
1) Give them choices.
Autonomy is all about being able to choose something or do something on your own. Toddlers feel most autonomous when they can make a decision and they get what they want.
But you cannot obviously let them have what they want all the time. We’re raising responsible, kind people here, who can think of others and be gracious.
So you have to be smart and shrewd.
When it comes to making a choice, give your child two options: the one you want them to choose and the one you don’t really want them to choose but if they do, it’ll be ok. Don’t give them an option you’re not ok with them choosing!
Here’s an example: “You can let me brush your teeth so they’re done properly, OR you can brush your own teeth first and then I will brush your teeth afterwards.” (You wouldn’t give them the option of “Fine. Don’t brush your teeth at all then.”)
The goal – get the teeth brushed properly. Option 1 is what you want them to pick – it’s quick and easy for you. But, knowing our toddlers, they’ll pick Option 2 – takes a bit longer, probably more messy but…in the end, their teeth will be clean and fresh!
2) Let them do it!
They want to do it all! And they truly believe in their ability to do different things.
(I actually find that kind of self-belief SO refreshing! Imagine what we could accomplish if we had that kind of fearless faith in our potential?!)
Things they actually can’t do, without some help!
The point here is – as long as its safe, as long as you can supervise – let them do it. Let them try!
And that means we may have to let go of a few things here:
- There will be messes. – Teach them how to clean up after themselves.
- Bumps and bruises will be a part of it. – Don’t let them do something too dangerous, be there to supervise and teach them how to do something safely.
- They won’t do it perfectly. – They’re still learning and they need to make those mistakes, and experience those imperfections in the process of refining and honing their skills.
3) Create a safe space for growing in independence.
We’ve talked about this a bit in a physical sense. Your child needs to explore the boundaries of their bodies and abilities. They want to climb things, touch things and play with things that we know are dangerous.
Make it as safe as possible. Supervise them and be ready to catch them or whisk them away when the danger is too eminent. But more importantly, show them HOW to be safe when they’re doing those activities!
In an emotional sense, you need to create a “safe space” for them to explore and try new things.
Don’t criticize or correct too quickly. Be patient with mistakes and messes. Don’t blame and shame when things go wrong. Be their safety net.
Practical ways to grow your toddler’s independence
Toddlers can do a lot more than we give them credit for. And the more we let them do, the more the are capable of.
Here are some ideas of all the the things your toddler might be able to do independently. Download your free list here.
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